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Deviant for 7 Years
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sleep, or lack thereof
Sleep is elusive.
It hides behind 10:45 screams
And 'I forgot' showers.
But to say the Grand Canyon's faultless,
Would be to say the same of me.
There is no excuse for 3:14 wanderings,
More confusing and stress-induced to me
Than the same number in geometry.
Yet they serve the same purpose:
Sending me off in circles, which are only useful
When running.
I Imagine that sweet pure bliss which tires above all else
And still it helps none.
I yearn for summer days
When my head never hit the pillow
(To my limited frosh knowledge).
The shadows cast by 26 lettered keys
You could say keep me company,
If I ever bothered to glance down.
This problem, if I may call it that without some diagnosis,
Haunts me just as I now do the halls.
There is some desperate hope in my padded tread
Of discovery, because once known,
The process of finding a cure can begin.
Of course I'll never voice it on my own;
Sometimes it's takes the attention and care
To piece together broken fragments,
Which, right now,
Is all
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 1 0
babysitter there art thou
My babysitter's back.
To be my mentor, my role model.
[for my confirmation]
But doesn't babysitter realize that she's more useful hiding in the back of my mind?
I know she's swimming in that milky fluid that surrounds my brain, popping out and skirting along the neurons only when babysitter feels the need. Doesn't she feel the awkwardness in her gills, in the knowledge that babysitter's been resurfaced for too long?
I wonder if she remembers.
Babysitter's trading frozen pepperoni pizzas for pot roast in our dining room. Instead of receiving a, "you know what to do!" over a dressed-up shoulder, she gets a four hour long conversation about her. And life after college, babysitter's job, babysitter's boyfriend.
I don't mind.
I just wonder if babysitter feels cheated.
Babysitter's traded an eight-year old unknowingly asking racist and stereotypical and far too sexual questions for her age for a fourteen-year old who eats cookie after cookie [calorie after calorie] for something to do while
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 8 9
words trump action
When I'm wheelchair bound,
you can bet you'll be around
'Cause I don't have to shout
to drown out my actions
I never need to use my touch,
just a still whispering hush
Echoes in our connected eyes
although we're frozen in time.
Motion to typed text in haste,
those heavy footsteps have a space.
Our library's always cramped,
but there's no house for the mimes.
Words open your mouth in awe.
Fights dislocate your jaw.
But you know words can break
what a punch never could.
Further respect laden silence,
than epitomes of violence.
Bloody misunderstandings what we're left with
when we refused to end the quiet.
So when I'm wheelchair bound,
you can be you'll be around
'Cause I don't have to shout
to drown out my actions.
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 2 0
Secret Santa 'shh'
moon's the spectator for an ethereal world
brings frigid gusts
adds vampiric cloak of midnight
almost as a suggestion
the sun chases the shadow
blinding it with fiery passion
scorching the frost the litters its sky
and outshining the twinkiling smoldering stars
flaring brightly, it seeks to diminish all the moon's
yet there is that split second
both trying to outdistance the other
that the sky becomes a home for two
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 5 3
dear my wishes
dear you,
it's 1:21
i didnt wish for you at 11:11
but i was thinking of you
does that count?
im watching snow float haphazardly
holding my breath until it safely meets the ground
feeling like ive intruded upon its dance
the streetlamps' reflecitve glow its stage
no earthly mortal seated in the audience
am i watching you right now?
the frozen water's so pure
i can feel you, see you, taste you
imagining it's you divided into
these destinationless flurries
because it could only be you
i want to draw you into my hands
and protectively, singuarly listen to the silent lullaby
your decent is making
love from
your observer, admirer, friend, constant
love from me
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 4 3
the snow's hiding
i can only snag glimpses
of reclusive snow
in the glare
of flourescent streetlamps
the best show residing outside
my blotched line of 15/20 vision
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 2 0
isn't just words 'scoff'
love isnt just words, they say
i say:
its the way you say them
the way im changing the pitch of my voice
moving it up and down like a pencil on paper
drawing a hand cradling your cheek or
capturing the runoffs trailing out from your palm
when you talk it's jumbled erotic nothing
every word excited splatter painted breathlessness woven with
spontaneous blotches racing to escape
but i'm content in this finger painted masterpiece of a maze
that's love in words
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 3 0
a carved beating muscle
there's something so primitive about the jagged bumps
the way it ran off course and was reconnected later
around the time you fended off my onslaught of tickles
im oddly possessive of this assymetrical thing
bending down to reverently kiss the flaking wood
it took you moments to doodle, (others would say vandalize, youd say screw them)
but i can still feel you in the map you drew of my inner metronome
simply because it came from whatever you once were
whatever we once were
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 4 3
dont take your fights serious
another's fighting with me
hoping to change me
draw out a reaction
it's not the conflict that impacts me
it's who with
youre just flattering yourself
trying to imitate her method
to make me care about what you think
and a year, a year and a half, two years later
hers are still carried by me in personally-signed anniversary cards
to me, from me
i'm still snap-shotting, freeze-framing my failures in
your awkward pauses
full of things you wouldve, shoudlve, could have said
before i cracked us
so i'm copying my failures
presenting one to you with resigned flourish
everytime i spill the milk
and we still dont know what i'm trying to prove
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 9 17
don't give me my look
youre telling me not to look at you like that
but it's your look that i'm echoing
the same one i've seen you bestow a thousand times
on someone else
that look that says you care, that you love
and i'm waiting, hoping you'll recognize it
becuase if you're not comfortable with me
you're at least comfortable with something that's come
from your own skin
you appear simply to show me
that im clutching a shedded fragment
and that's how you take your glances
the ones i still desperately decode
you forget them
cause they mean nothing to you
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 3 0
free breathing words
your wide-eyed blue irises
give me three claustrophobic words
the sky they need
to exhale
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 3 0
get sad
i become afraid, meek, when i feel a brightly lit grin
when i sense it stretching the muscles of your face
i want you to be sad, mad, defeated, trodden on
left behind to fall back on me
when you're happy
i'm slipslip slipping into
this cold security that has discarded its blanket
slipping on
frozen giggles and cherised promises
promises that will shatter when you crash
onto this icy pathway that you've imagined
i want to be able to push my hands inside
your broken shell and feel how wispy youve become
because when youre happy
im tense electricity that's only outlet
only escape
is the indiscrete chips in your skeleton
that has suddenly become -exo
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 5 2
reporting but not about me
shes making inquiries about
everything else
she'll run out of time to
question herself
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 7 3
look for you in tinted windows
furtively shuffling
across the icy border
to the safe house
anticipating a definance of the sound barrier
or sweets tantalizing offered
through a window from
a masked face
yet still i glance
to see if this potential death trap
harbors your essence
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 2 0
hate is motivation mom
you're the one
screaming at 10.00
pulverizing me through my drugged state
i never want to be like you
with your annoying voices
and your broken laughter
mocking any 'too-short' answer
i never want to
talk about how beautiful i am to everyone
about how much weight i lost
well you're such a hypocryte
not even going to the work-out class
you lounge at home eating ice-cream
and then starve yourself
with organics
you're taunting i'm too fat
while pushing cookies
down my throat
i'm choking on their sugary coating
and on your's when we're in public
and all i want to do is get away
but i run faster now
because im running from you
the coaches geaturing for me to sprint to the finish
but im veering off
so i never see your ugly face
im doing lap after lap
choking on water
but knowing im more adept in it
and i could drown you
if it's ever just us and you're unaware/drunk
i kick harder now
tearing the punching bad into scraps
and laughing when there's blood on the ground
becuase you've made me so i
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 5 0
humane is correct
comical: humane:
compassion, sympathy, yet
most are opposite
:iconfeintidea:feintidea 1 0
mainly memories that i see fit to take on a larger meaning


Day Two
I fall in love with broken things.
-You were hurting when we met, but we changed each other, didn't we?-
     I have a pathological need to fix what's broken. The more damaged the
better. I will try and try and try to save somebody with everything that I
am—until my fingers bleed and every last word is spent. But I'll never ever
admit to how much my heart breaks every time I fail.
I've put up walls I don't know how to take down.
-These walls are the ring in my pocket and dog tags around your neck-
     They cast shadows and every shadow is her silhouette. I don't
remember the last time I saw the sun, and I wonder if anyone has the
climbing skills to be my Prometheus. But would I be the sunless mortal
or the vulture that tears out your heart liver?
I like to learn everything I can about the things that frighten me most.
-The last time you held me was the last time I felt safe.-
     I co
:icono-ohhai:o-ohhai 99 68
Luna by luthienelf Luna :iconluthienelf:luthienelf 476 55 Frozen by eclipsy Frozen :iconeclipsy:eclipsy 2,407 350
empty space
Heart racing, your breath comes fast as you lie on your back in the sand.
Washed ashore from who-knows-where-but-you-definitely-don't, to a place you've never seen.
Or maybe you have.
You just don't remember.
But that doesn't matter now because there's a wall in your mind. And somehow you know that on the other side, there's something important.
Something you need.
As you prod and poke, you suddenly know what it is.
It's who you are.
Your identity.
But it's not a question of
or even name.
It's the deep-down-inside person, the one who wakes in your dreams and sleeps in your heart.
But right now you don't know who that is, what that could be, because of the wall. And this makes you burn with the need to bring it down.
Break it apart.
Until nothing stands between you and who you really are.
So you pound and push and shove
Batter it with determined fists that leave your head spinning
Until finally,
finally the wall is gone.
Just like that. It's gone, but somehow n
:iconperisnale:PeriSnale 24 34
Everyone is normal --
because No One is normal.
What is normal,
but a Concept of a Perfection
that is full of Imperfection?
thus, everyone's Imperfections
Create the Perfection
of the Illusion of normalcy.
:iconfelicitysilver:FelicitySilver 15 43
~watching the world go by~ by tanukitchokes ~watching the world go by~ :icontanukitchokes:tanukitchokes 2,052 414
Symbiosis and Unity, Contest
A small figure walked along the cracked sidewalk of a small Russian city, footsteps echoing for blocks. Luminous eyes peeked out from alleys and windows, hungrily eyeing the girl and her bulging suitcases.
She ignored the eyes, as she always did. They would not attack her, no matter how much food she carried. But they would watch, as long as they could without leaving their dens.
Cities like this were the reason humans still feared androids. There were documented cases of starving humans turning cannibal, but never anything on a scale like this. The only viable source of food in the city was people, a fact that had transformed most of the near-immortal populous into flesh-hungry psychopaths. Even if their hunger was sated, the minds of most were too far gone.
The girl's path led her to a large hotel, rotating doors shattered years ago, glass reduced to sand on the floor and sidewalk. She stepped through doors, careful not to drop her bags. A pair of eyes looked
:iconthebsdude:theBSDude 6 49
love is an understatement.
i built up all
of our cliffs, and
promised to catch you
when you fell, but i
never said i'd catch you
when you
all of my homeless
friends are gone, i'm the
only one left in town,
so this is what
it feels like
to be
this goddamn heart
has forgotten how
to bleed, broken
mirrors and
pieces of my
old walls are scattered
on my floor,
it's time
to move again.
this old apartment
is filled with long-lost dreams and
all too vivid memories.
not to mention the cobwebs
in the cabinet.
i promised you
forever, but
tomorrow doesn't
because the time
between now
and forever
is just
:iconstuff7:stuff7 58 133
Kori tis Nychtas
The constellations screamed
The moon gave birth
Soft midwinter night was
The newborn was Beauty
Wrapped in robes of dragonflies
Hair the color of silver secrets
Threaded with seashell pearls
She dressed in white
For her wedding with the stars
As she stood
Galaxies poured from her eyes
Snow vines blossomed at her feet
And her heart smoked
Setting the earth in spin
She carved from the sky
A crescent bow
Baptized herself the huntress
In a stream of light
And fashioned from fireflies
A single arrow
Then shot it through space
To be heard by Gods
Beneath a cypress tree
She sang to the universe
Something ice pure
But drenched in sadness
And heaven melted into the sea
Divinity drank her lunar toxin
And sweetened her words
Enveloped her in wind
Quickly eating the fatal poetry
Her bright Unspokens
She kissed the forest leaves
And thanked them for shelter
Etched virtues in limestone walls
Anointing the midnight world
River waters froze over
Her perfect skin
Glowing ivory velvet
Tamed t
:iconarcaneautumn:ArcaneAutumn 33 48
Love letter to Mistress Moon
A cold heat flashes across the sill,
My love returns to me!
A pale face floating through a black velvet cloak,
My love returns to me!
She sits all times,
And watches for,
The sinking of the sun,
Then flies across a velvet sky,
So smooth and calm and clear.
So swift the flight, with icy might,
She drifts so pleasantly.
But the empty sky, she will fly and fly,
Devoid of company.
What a lonely sight, the moon in flight,
Alone in the cold, black, sky.
For the stars are grand,
And their Cherished brand,
Is far too Pompus for she.
So here I wait under guard and gate,
Alone in my small sty.
For the pale moon's light,
To shine on my plight,
My love returns to me!
:iconlegolos229:Legolos229 7 27
The Thespian Falling.
Naivety, is a lovely thing. The man with golden hair passed his shoulders waits on a park bench for the kiss that never comes. He waits hours, but when no one arrives, a tear falls down his cheek but it's swallowed up by the rain and he dies in peace. The golden haired man is tired, but he's not sleepy. Sleep resists his grasp, but he chases it as if it were the king's fox in the royal hunt. the chase is over when he catches up with a little help of oxycontin and a shot of his favorite brandy. Everything is okay for him, one last night. His feel pull him up the stairs and out of his clothes when he lays down for bed. The sheets are warm, but he's chilled to the bone. Besides him, the bed is empty and it makes him sad. It tugs on his lips at the corner and drags them down like his eye lids. The man finally catches his prize and it succumbs to his demands, and he's out for the night. Dreams haunt him like dark fairies and a few more tears escape from closed eyes. Spiders creep at
:icondrippingwithsarcasm:DrippingWithSarcasm 18 14
Lady Gaga Stamp by Agony-Whispers Lady Gaga Stamp :iconagony-whispers:Agony-Whispers 2,315 101
A Murderer's Apology
After everything that's happened, I suppose I owe you an apology. You were happy, successful, beautiful...and yet, at the same time, you were tormented. I could see it in your face, your eyes – it was so evident, I couldn't believe no one else realized it. Your lips, brushed with a subtle shade of lipstick, formed a carefree smile, or so it would seem, but I could tell it was really a grimace. A grimace of pain, perhaps? Or anguish? Inside, were you screaming with agony, but everyone around you simply nodded and smiled?
I know that feeling. I too, was once like you. Oh, you may not believe me, looking at me now, or then as well. I, the thin, quaking rat of a man? The one who smiled nervously, eyes darting this way and that? But I used to be a liar, as you were then. I appeared to be that rich lawyer with the gorgeous trophy wife, the charming man with the tongue of melted gold. Who wouldn't have thought I was happy? I attended parties by the dozen, and hosted marvelous ones of my
:iconicy-moon-shadow:icy-moon-shadow 28 32
Sonnet 10
Sonnet 10
The cold that tries to slay the cross I bear
Can only beat against its hardened shield,
And even if I think this is not fair,
There is no earthly weapon I can wield:
No sword to kill the harshness of my love,
No spear to stab the torture I go through,
No dagger slits the throat of Death's black dove:
There's only woe that I endure for you.
So as these bitter winds attempt to cleanse,
Attempt to blow away the weight I hold,
I know that there's no tough enough defence
Except perhaps in you, to stop the cold.
For where the blizzards rage and hail fall,
The warmth of you, my love, can heal it all.
:iconveritaslux:veritaslux 7 4
Enchanted Evenings
Feet are numb and nose is cold
Cheeks are red and lips all cut
Yet hands join in this, so bold
Vow we made without a 'but'.
Grand it felt the moonlight's glint
On our skin so roughly stripped
Of its warmth and mundane hint
When we danced and often tripped.
Oh we ran and sure we fell
Ah we laughed at hearts' content
And we cried a bit as well
For it was both souls' intent.
And a song within your heart
A known voice inside my chest
Glorified it played its part
As a ghost with noble vest.
Yes we heard, long we sang
Free from heaven and from hell
Oh and here around it rang
But it all the trees will swell.
And the sweetest thing has been
Falling under senses' defeat
For our hearts had never seen
Such display of life and wit.
Then it was sunlight who lay
our bodies to their rest
For like this next time we may
start from here at our best.
:iconthemaideninblack:TheMaidenInBlack 20 67
Moonlit Nocturne
There was blood on my hands when I played the piano for you that day.
It was the same street piano on the corner of the park that we used to play in, outracing the butterflies that gathered around the roses that grew there. We used to pretend we could fly like them, dancing from petal to petal, free from the world's cruelties. So happy. So naive.
A skid of a wheel had changed all that.
That day, your butterfly wings had been torn out of their sockets. They joined a long list that had been stuffed into jars over the centuries, to be ogled over by Death, the sadistic collector who never failed when it was our turn to submit. You were captured too early, too soon, but there was nothing I could do. I was on the piano, playing your nocturne, when you crossed the busy road. Blood sprayed, horns screamed and I turned to see you flung over a windscreen, unmoving.
There was a funeral, of course. There were tears, but none slid down my face that day.
I saved it for the piano.
You should have see
:iconjulietcaesar:julietcaesar 229 240
to every deviant i favourited and the ones i have yet to, i love you all for making my day a little bit brighter



United States
what to tell w/o giving too much away...i cant draw so pretty much the only thing youll ever find on this page is poetry. maybe a pic if i can ever figure out how to upload. haha. love these things ~~~~~~~ what are they even called? im a swimmer at heart though at home youll only ever see me run. which is why cold weather sucks even though i love it more than anything. i tend to ramble and not make sense. and ill probably nvr post a journal cause my mind is a deep dark void that no one would want to penetrate. which is what therapists are for.


there's a lot of old stuff in there that needed moving

just to let any1 kno: i dont pay too much attention to what genre their under, so if it says something like humour, it might not always be humour.

Current Residence: at home... dont the pre-pubescent yrs suck?
Favourite genre of music: alternative, singer/songwriter, no hip-hop or rap rlly
Favourite style of art: emotional
MP3 player of choice: iPod classic for songs, touch for Youtube lol
Skin of choice: this does not mean ur actual skin!
Favourite cartoon character: Donald Duck
Personal Quote: whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door
i gave up a few websites for lent and this was one, since i was throughly addicted. ive been slow to start back up with this, but im working on it.

basically: IM BACK!! *yay* (not that anyone noticed i was missing)
  • Listening to: Electric Twist by A Fine Frenzy
  • Reading: The Eyre Affair (Thursday Next Novel)
  • Playing: Pokemon Gold (such a nerd)
  • Eating: banana
  • Drinking: milk

Journal History


Add a Comment:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2010
Thanks for the support during my 10 Days of Honesty ^^

I really appreciate it :huggle:
emochibi Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2010
-flails in the general direction of-

Hi! I haven't spoken to you in a while~!

How are you? <3
feintidea Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2010
haha fine! it HAS been a while sorry! i gave up the computer for lent so i havent been on in...weeks.

but how've YOU been?
emochibi Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2010
Ah, I see.

Eh, same as usual. c:
salsasaur Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2010
hi gorilla! i was wondering-did I ever you your packet of poems bacl or did I just keep it with me forever?
feintidea Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2010
i think you kept it forever.. oh well! i had to think about what you meant and then i remembered the depressing packet...
supergal33 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2010

Gorilla look it!
feintidea Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2010

*bang bang maxwell's silver hammer*
sorry i havent been around i gave up a couple websites for lent and this was one.
veritaslux Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010
Thanks for the fav! If you liked my work, maybe you should consider watching me?
abrianna-m Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2010
thanks for the fave!
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